Waking Up
by ichigooxlove13
Summary: From the P.O.V. of Ichigo. How Grimmjow effects him and he doesn't even know it.


Hi thanks for checking out my story! It's my first romance so I'm kinda inexperienced. So please take it easy on me. Oh and it's about boyxboy (though it's pretty subtle). Also this P.O.V. is ichigo and so I'm sorry if it isn't too clear. I tried to make it so. Anyway...On to the story!

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**Waking Up**

Perfection. That's him.

His body is chiseled to flawlessness and can always trap my eyes to stare. I can almost imagine his strong arms circle around my waist and hold me tightly while my entire body leans against his. I can almost feel the warmth of his body and the smell of the spearmint gum he always buys. Though, I have seen him hurt people with those same arms. Similarly, his electric blue eyes are an enigma, both frightening and beautiful. Whenever they land on me, my thoughts and mind are bare and instantly readable, making my face burn scarlet. His eyes would sometimes have iciness to it, making me turn away. Occasionally he would relax his eyes from anger, and it would make me want to throw my arms over his neck and just bore my eyes into his beautiful ones. His hair is also hazardous blue, like the mere touch would send a shock up my arm. Though, it's tempting to just tentatively touch the fine pieces of silk hair.

There is something that compels me to get closer. It's not his surreal looks, but other things as well.

His arrogance makes me roll my eyes. His embarrassed acts of kindness makes me smile and laugh. The blood lust in his eyes makes my insides clench up till they start to hurt. Sometimes it looks like he wants to turn everything away. Like when his furious growls or steal glares make people cower away, but makes me want to cry and wonder what's wrong. Or his eyes would be so empty like he didn't care about anything, making me want to grab him and scream. It makes me afraid. Like the next day he wouldn't come back.

XXXXXXX

I don't think he knows I exist. I don't think he even knows that I see the new bruises or gashes all over his body. I want to reach out to him and be closer but I can't. It feels like we were in two different worlds. Him, dangerous, intoxicating, and lurking. Me, boring, stiff, and education obsessed. It just doesn't work. They can't mesh together. It's like the colors orange and blue, putting them together only makes a mess of brown. So now, I have decided to settle on a silent obsession, so that nobody has to know, simply focused on every moment I have of him. The simple brush of our shoulders passing by or when the gleam of sunlight through the side windows in first period goes through his blue hair. I savor each quick glimpse of him and our conversations. It's simpler this way, for me and everyone else.

XXXXXXX

No one has noticed my infatuation with him. My father, my sisters, and my friends haven't noticed. They ask me if I like any one and I tell them no. I hear my best friend's nightly escapades with girls and I smile and nod my head while I think of him. I don't want other people to know my feelings, I know what they would say. It would most likely shatter my heart and make me an out cast forever.

But it's not the thing that keeps me away the most.

I'm afraid most of all that he would hate me. I don't know. I sound like a girl, but when it comes to him...my whole outer self unravels. I've tried to drive him away from my head. I tried to think of anyone but him. But he always wiggles his way back in. Why? Why can't I just like some nice girl like my father asks me to? Why do my friends constantly have to annoy me and ask me why I haven't gone out with anyone? Why can't they just leave me alone?

Don't they know it hurts?

XXXXXXX

My mom use to tell me fairy tails before I went to bed. She would tell me the typical classical stories, ones with knights and princesses and dragons. I used to love those stories, because everything always turned out perfect. And like dreams, they were mystical and felt so real.

But I soon learned it wasn't so. My mom died when I was 7 and it was like from the sudden wailing of the alarm on the nightstand. It woke me up. And I suddenly realized things weren't perfect as I thought they were.

It all came crashing down on me. And now it just reminds me that me and him, possibility of "us", wasn't and couldn't be perfect. Because loving someone doesn't mean that that someone is going to like you back, loving someone isn't always greeted with happiness, and that loving someone hurts.

So why bother? Why not just move away and forget? Why not just love someone else?

I don't know. Is it because I'm so stupidly lovesick that I can't? Or Is it because I'm so abnormal then everyone else?

Take your pick.

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AAAH! I HOPE IT"S NOT TERRIBLE! I really really hope not. I do know there are probably a lot of grammar mistakes, I suck at that. T-T. Please review anyway! It would make me very happy. ^^


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